Why I Can't Sleep at Night

Heh. This happens more than you know. Just last night, I watched 2 movies after I awoke from my nap. It's a vicious cycle of my lack of sleep at night and then the need to nap after work just so that I can function. I wish I could just call 7pm my bedtime and wake up at 5am. Unfortunately, my body won't cooperate.

I'm sitting at the library on a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon. Oh what a gorgeous day, and you San Franciscans will be so envious of the beautiful, warm weather here in Houston. I'm attempting to write my personal statement, something that should have been done way long ago. I've having trouble putting my thoughts on paper though. I know what I want to say--I think there within lies the problem. There's so much I want to say; there's so much I have to offer to the medical profession. It's hard to not overwhelm the admissions committee, and yet not underplay me as a candidate. I find it so much more difficult to write this ps compared to the one I wrote for grad school. Perhaps it's because this is what I've always been dreaming of as a child. This is my end, so to speak. I will always continue bettering myself, but I need medical school to achieve all that I want to do in life. The CDC, my dream of one day being part of those multi-disciplinary teams that investigate outbreaks in other countries, but most of all, the dream of being able to bridge the gap of social and health inequality. Doctors without Borders is a great cause, and I would love to one day be a part of it or something like it. But throughout these past couple of years, I've come to realize that I do not need to travel thousands of miles to make a difference. I can simply drive across the bay to International Blvd and Fruitvale Avenue, and there are people who I can help. These very people, represented by my students in my high school EMT class, are the ones who inspire me to not give up when life gets tough because they have it so much harder than I do. The obstacles they withstand make me want to be the best that I can be so that I can help them. Inner city people do not scare me. If you give them a chance, you'll see the bravery they have and how truly exceptional they are.

And so perhaps the reason I can't sleep at night is because I'm afraid of failing the very people who have inspired me to come so far.