Road Trip!!

On Friday evening, after a couple of very disappointing experiences at Bed, Bath and Beyond, Amy and I ventured on our road trip to Austin. It was pretty funny cause along the way, we stopped at a BBB and a Lowe's to try and get my Kitchenaid Artisan Mixer, but to no avail, I didn't end up getting one. Then, we also stopped for dinner at Chili's where I found out the queso they serve with their tortilla chips actually has BEEF in it. Yes, that's right, queso has MEAT in it...who knew, heh. I tasted a cow for the first time in 6 years, I think. But I spit everything out, absolutely no swallowing at all.

Upon arrival to Austin after 4 hours of driving, Amy so graciously dropped by 6th Street so that I could see Austin's party scene. I was a bit too tired to venture on out to the bars though (yes, I know, I'm lame) so we just checked into our hotel and went to bed.

On Saturday morning, Amy showed me around town, first starting off at the CO-OP, the official UT store. It was amazing there! I think think their store is bigger than Berkeley's by at least a 1/3 if not a 1/2. So much school pride, dudes. I don't think I've ever seen that much longhorn merchandise before. It really only makes sense that the UT mascot is a longhorn though. I will say that Cooper, the longhorn, is adorable! J9ners, you'll really love the store! Even cooler, two doors down is the CO-OP outlet store, dudes! Like seriously, they have an outlet!

After all that shopping, Amy and I had to plunker down for lunch since we worked up such an appetite! The Mellow Mushroom had some really great pizza, I gotta say. Their crust was crispy and cheesy...hmm...yummy! To burn off our calories after such a fulfilling lunch, we headed across the street to the UT campus, and I have to say that it is extremely similar to that of Berkeley. The city itself is really similar in terms of the streets around campus resembling Telegraph Ave. and the likes, but the campus itself is so similar to Berkeley's! When I stepped onto the campus, it was as if I was transported back to Berkeley--the landscape, the green, the buildings--just too cool, dudes. I do think, however, that the campus is a bit larger than Berkeley's (makes sense though, right, since everything is bigger and better in Texas?). Amy was a great tourguide because despite the fact that she attended Texas Tech (yes, that's right, Kent, I know a couple of Red Raiders here!) she was still able to point out a lot of things to me.

UT's campus has something similar to Sproul and the Camponile with the exception that they are located right next to each other. I believe the inscription on the Main Building says, "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Very beautiful buildings...

From the main entrance to the university, Amy and I walked to the State Capitol of Texas so that I could take pictures and whatnot. Of course, with our luck, just as I was starting to take pictures of the building, it started thunderstorming. We ran into the Capitol, and dudes, it's awesome inside! If you thought the outside was pretty, you've gotta see the Rotunda. The Senate and House of Representatives rooms' were gorgeous, and the portraits of the govenors in the rotunda was amazing too. After the rain lightened up, we went to the visitor's center and raided the gift shop. If you want Texas memorabilia, you've gotta go to this store, dudes. Seriously. It's really after the visit to UT and the Capitol do you really feel the pride Texans have in their state.

Back at the campus now, Amy and I try very hard to find the Longhorn Aquatic Center so that I could take a picture for J9ners! =) We passed the School of Social Work, the rec center, and also the football stadium, but we could not find the swim center! We finally spot a map and find out that the swim center is right next to the School of Social Work. It was really funny, but we ended up going back the next day, and I took a sign of the sign. I wonder if Brendan Hansen was there. Hah.

From UT, we ventured back to our hotel to get ready for our night out as well as just chil-ax for a bit. That night, we went to the Cool River Cafe to watch one of our co-workers, Miguel, perform with his band, Vertigo. Let me tell you, the food and drinks there are amazing! I had the best grilled chicken panini ever--the aioli definitely made the sandwich! I really need to get a panini grill now. Heh. But yea, Miguel was a very gracious host, coming by to talk to us during every intermission. I think we both had a lot of fun, especially with the cameras and the drunk lady. So Amy, I guess we need to "shake it", eh? Fat chance.

I am going to stop boring you with the gory details of our Sunday, but I will say that Amy took me to the outlet mall in San Marcos. Dudes, seriously, if you are an avid shopper, you have got to go there sometime. They have EVERYTHING there, and there are actual sales that qualifies the stores to be outlets. So if you ever come visit me and want to go there, just let me know! I am down--

Thanks, Amy, for being such a great hostess, and for such a great road trip! We really did have a road trip and not just rushing to get to our destination. I think we definitely need to eat at Chili's next time we go on another road trip, and if we take the I-10 back, we need to stop off for some TORTILLA chips!!! Haha! I really had a lot of fun, the best time since I've been in Texas, I think. So yea, thanks for such a great time! I really appreciate it!

Lastly, I just want to say that I have gained a newfound respect for Mr. David Beckham. I've never quite bought into his popularity or the frenzy that seems to encompass him everywhere he goes. I will say that I do understand where it all comes from now. Good luck to you, Mr. Beckham, and I hope you enjoy your time in LA.

Filibusters

I'm going to make a quick disclaimer: I am usually not all that interested in politics, per se. I find it to be a very frustrating and aggravating topic, especially when you're talking to people who don't agree with you.

That being said, I have a fascination with filibusters. Don't know why nor do I care enough to figure out why, but the word itself is just cool. Filibusters don't happen often, obviously, and when one comes up, I always get really excited! I'm not exactly sure I like the reason why they are filibuster-ing this time, but at the same time, I just want it to happen because it's a filibuster! Seriously, dudes, how awesome are they?!

I remember learning about filibusters in Mr. Zatkin's government class (I still can't believe I passed that AP Exam--I was so NOT prepared. Of all the AP exams I've taken, I was least prepared for this one and Spanish, though with those after school oral prep sessions, I knew what to expect with Spanish. I completely winged government, I'm telling you. Consider this, I took the honors class instead of the AP one b/c I didn't want to do all the projects involved with a one year class, and I could still take the AP test with the 1 semester class. Only problem was that they assigned the class to me in the fall which made taking the exam even more difficult. You swear I could remember all those facts half a year later while taking Doc's and Mr. C's classes. Oh and who can forget Mr. Morlock's church history class? =) Anyhow, I think I was coerced into taking the exam, and miraculously, I passed. Wow. I totally digressed, dudes. My bad!). My next encounter with filibusters was with that episode on The West Wing. I don't remember what it's called, but that senator literally read a book out loud. I don't think he even stopped for a drink of water cause aren't they not allowed to go to the bathroom? How crazy insane is that?! Does anyone else not see how intriguing and humorous this is?!

Semi-Homemade with Jennifer Lee

I cheated. I'm going to admit it straight up. It's not that I've never used cake mixes before, but I never use boxed mixes for birthdays or gifts. I love brownie mixes, and I believe most of them turn out better than my own brownies (except for that time when I made something inedible in high school). My mom actually threw out the brownies because she claimed they were so nasty that she had no idea what they were, basically, just black gunk. heh. But for those of you who know me, you all know that I'm a totally from scratch kinda gal. Hell, I even make my own pie crusts and pizza dough! This weekend, I just made some green onion pancakes, from scratch, with flour and scallions. But for Lina's birthday, I actually made this cake from the box. I did add stuff so that the cake is fluffier and more moist, but it's still not from scratch. Don't even get me started on the frosting. I totally did the whole Sandra Lee homemade touch to frosting, but I know and you know that it's not my frosting. I gave into temptation today. With apps looming over my head, the about-damn time personal statement inspiration, and work being so crazy and constant, I'm just tired. I'm more than tired. I'm EXHAUSTED. You also have to take into account that this is my first year of work. I've been at this since last April, and I haven't really taken a vacation since. I miss school and the vacations that come with it. I miss not having a set schedule with class times varying at all hours of day. Hell, at this moment, even those late evening classes (Kustu's lab, anyone?) sound good if I didn't have to work 8-5. haha.

Last week was tough. I love my job. There you have it. I think infection control plays a huge role in a hospital functioning properly, and I'm not saying this simply because I am an ICP. Think about this--if the rates of nosocomial infections are as high as the community-acquiredrates, then we're pretty screwed, heh? You'd be safer at home. So yes, I enjoy what I do. But, there is caveat to all this--there are sometimes those very very frustrating days when everything happens at once, and you're constanting putting out fires. I'm so fortunate to have a very experienced and smart ICP who trains me, but it just so happened that she was on vacation last week. Let's just say that some issues came up, and I had no idea how to deal with them...thanks to my director and risk manager who guided me along the way. Much appreciate to all the other ICPs in my company for answering my phone calls and helping me. So yea, there are days when I feel that I have this job under control, but then things happen (and let me tell you, in a hospital, NOTHING is impossible) and I'm back to barely hanging on. I know that in time, I will be able to handle things calmly, but until then, I wonder how I can ever do this job by myself.

Anyhow, as tough as last week was, my friends once again pulled through and made me smile. First, I received an email from Tanya during the middle of the week. For those of you who don't know, Tanya and I were advisor-buddies in grad school. Ironic, isn't it how they paired up a Stanford and a UC Berkeley grad to share an advisor. Heh. Anyhow, we hit it off the first day of orienatation, and we've been fast friends since. Tanya listened to my whining and problems all throughout the two years of our program. We also studied together a lot, especially for 260A&B. Those study sessions were short but crazy. We memorized a shitload, didn't we? I really do need to go back and see how many infectious diseases we had to memorize for Drs. Swartzberg and Riley. heh. I gotta say though, the one year class is my most favorite of all time--not to sound nerdy or lame, but infectious diseases are really really cool! I'm not ashamed to admit it, but MICROBES REALLY DO FASCINATE ME.

But yea, Tanya emailed me during work last week (in the middle of a crisis), and she just totally put a smile on my face! It's amazing how words from a friend can make everything better, so thanks Tanya! I miss you so much! It was hard our second year when we barely had any classes together, but now, I don't even get to see you on campus...I really need to work on my keeping in touch skills!

Then, on Thursday night, I found out that Hiu's engaged to Kent! =) How totally awesome is that?! Seriously, so so cool! You have to understand, I witnessed the whole relationship take place, from the beginning! It's so awesome--two of my best friends are now engaged! Whoo! I miss hanging out with them--Hiu and I have done some pretty crazy stuff. You should see us during midterms and finals time. We're absolutely psycho; it's almost as if we were smoking crack or as if we were drunk...it's amazing that there is actually someone in this world who can put up with my crazy-ass antics during exams. Good times, I'm telling you. Good times. How many all-nighters have we pulled? My most memorable final was when we literally only had 24 hours after soil micro to study a whole semester's worth of biostat. I'm so glad we share a love for infectious diseases! Anyhow, CONGRATS, and my best to you guys! I will definitely be back next summer, and if I get into Davis, I want my room! March Madness would just be awesome, Kent! Can we please go to see a UK game one of these days? go 'cats! Hell, I'll even go to a Duke game in exchange. haha.

All righty, back to my ps...wish me luck! And I thank God that Jen is back!

What Love Is...

Happy 4th!

People never cease to amaze me. I guess that statement requires and explanation, and since this is a blog, I guess I should do just that, heh? So here goes: I'm usually pretty good at reading people. I never judge nor do I "hurl the cynic's ban" according to Sam Walter Foss, but rather, I try to "live by the side of the road, and be a friend to man." Nevertheless, first impressions are always made, and I always get a feeling about a person.

A couple of months ago, I semi-met someone whom deep down, I felt to be totally, completely worth it, as a friend. I say this because as I grow older, I find it harder to make friends. I don't mean acquaintances but rather, true friends. Most of my out of this world friends are from a lifetime ago, high school, college, and grad school. But in Houston, it's been a bit trying. Up until a couple of months ago, I felt very alone here. I attribute part of that to being homesick, but also to an adjustment period I had to go through before I could get comfortable. I guess in many ways, I've always taken a bit longer than most to adapt to my new surroundings. I've always been very independent, and I'm very adept in unknown situations, but in the end, I still need that adjustment period to feel completely comfortable with my surroundings. But I digress.

So I go back to my original topic--I met a person who made me feel like I was at home. Just seeing this person automatically made me more comfortable being in Houston even though I never had any interaction with this person. For the first time since I'd been here, I felt good about coming to Houston. And so I decided to pursue this friendship, but in the end, I gave up. Friendship should never be hard, right? Take my relationship with Phil, Angela, Cax, or J9ners. It's never difficult. We're so comfortable with each other, and we don't have to work towards making our friendship better. We just understand each other that way. Sure, in the beginning, we were unsure about each other, but with time, our friendship only got better.

I'm going to sidetrack really quickly--everybody deserves a Phil (or Avi) in his/her life. The friend where you can bare your soul to, and when life makes you sad, he'll be there to pick you up, even if you're thousands of miles away from home. It's funny how Phil and I became friends. Not many people know this story, but Phil and I still laugh about when he witnessed me snapping the sager splint on my hand while I was testing a c-spine student. Pain and bleeding ensued, but the damage was done. I embarrassed myself in front of Phil, my only witness. I don't remember if this was before or after I passed Phil for his airway exam (though I believe that it was after), but we've been fast friends since.

When Nick moved to Virginia, Phil and I were left behind to fend for ourselves. It was us against the not-so great-world. We spent hours talking in his truck about nothing and everything. So many tears were shed in that truck. Monday and Tuesday nights were our nights. People see us, and they don't understand why we're best friends. Phil is charismatic, charming, and funny. There's never a dull moment with him. I am the complete opposite--quiet (until you get to know me), sarcastic, and semi-serious (also until you get to know me). I guess we're not as different once you get to know me, but we're back to the first impressions now. The people who choose to be friends with me see a glimmer of hope when they first meet me; they see that I'm not ordinary nor do I follow status quo. I'm my own person, but until you get to know me, you won't ever know that. Phil saw that from my stupidity and clumsiness with the sager splint.

Which brings me back to why I started this entry in the first place. I met someone whom I saw a glimmer of hope in--someone who had a lot to offer but didn't do so upfront. Someone who I could see myself being fast friends with because he had a deeper side to him that most people didn't see or care to acknowledge. So I decided to pursue this friendship because I needed it. I needed some hope, some sign for why I moved to Houston in the first place, and this was it. But in end, I gave up on because I felt stupid. Why should I work so hard for a simple friendship? Friendship is just that--friendship--to be friends. My point is that friendship should never be hard, right? Because if it was, then that wouldn't classify the relationship as a friendship, but rather, as a problematic not so good ex-(friend)ship, right? Friends should never put you in an awkward place or make you feel bad about yourself, right?

Clare and I have talked about this, and we have come to the conclusion that friendship should not be hard. But we've also come to an agreement that life is hard and nothing comes easy. I think I just made two conflicting statements, but perhaps what I'm trying to say is that sometimes you need to fight the fights that you think are worth fighting for. And so perhaps this person deserves more than my mere indignation of a "fight," but I don't know how he feels about all this. For all I know, this is a one-sided feeling, which is why I need to work harder on this friendship, no?

Today, I think I've come closer to understanding why this person is the way he is and also why perhaps he's worth the fight. I think I was wrong to give up so easily the first time around. But this doesn't mean that I will try and reach out again because even though I better grasp why he seems to have an inherent sadness to him, there are other factors for which I do not think our friendship would turn out.

Ironic isn't it that though I feel like I finally have a better grasp of who this person is, I also feel that this will be the downfall of our maybe-one day friendship because it puts us in such different places in our lives. I lived through his place in life a couple of years ago but moved on because I could no longer take the pain. I am now numb to the part of life with which he struggles with. Don't get me wrong; there are still days when I will curl up in a corner and cry my heart out, but those days number in few. I have no problems with listening and helping him, if that's what he wants, but through my experience, I've come to find that people who are at different stages in life do not always think that the other person understands him--like children always saying that their parents don't understand them, and vice versa. Perchance, that's why I'm so weary of starting up this pursuit again.

Relationships exhaust me so. I am now ready for bed, I think. I feel my eyes beginning to close, and so maybe I will find an answer tomorrow. Or perhaps I won't. Nobody can help me with this question, I think, but me, myself, and Jennifer. I have no issues pursuing it, but I feel internal resistance. I can't do anything if I think it will cause damage to myself because in the end, I don't know how it's going to turn out. I don't want to be hurt anymore. With you guys, J9ners, Clare, Cax, Phil, and the many likes of you out there, I would give up my life for you guys. But you're different. We're already at that impasse of friendship where we're really not just friends anymore--we're more than that. You're worth more to me than life itself. Without any one of you, the pain itself would be too great to bear. So what to do?

Perhaps Dave Harris and Scott Grimes say it best...

What Love Is

Sorry
I Thought I knew you
There’s gotta be a better way somehow
I know I see right through you
But you should be the one for me

I know I’ve been living without you
I know I’ve been wasting my time after time
I don’t ever wanna be doubted
Oh...I’m not the one to lie

Cuz that’s what love is
What we take on
What I dream about
What I’m made of
I can’t see clear
When she comes around again
I can’t live without
Or ever let it end
That’s what love is
Oh that’s what love is

I know you
I’ve been around here
I watch you everyday
Now I’ve noticed
You don’t come around no more
Oh…I don’t know what to say

I know you’ve been spending your time
Livin’ all these days without me in your life
I though you could always be counted on
Oh…I’m gonna see your shining face again

I see you waiting for the moment that I come to you,
and say it’s gonna be alright
And I see this moment for the rest of life to come

J

Why I Can't Sleep at Night

Heh. This happens more than you know. Just last night, I watched 2 movies after I awoke from my nap. It's a vicious cycle of my lack of sleep at night and then the need to nap after work just so that I can function. I wish I could just call 7pm my bedtime and wake up at 5am. Unfortunately, my body won't cooperate.

I'm sitting at the library on a bright, sunny Saturday afternoon. Oh what a gorgeous day, and you San Franciscans will be so envious of the beautiful, warm weather here in Houston. I'm attempting to write my personal statement, something that should have been done way long ago. I've having trouble putting my thoughts on paper though. I know what I want to say--I think there within lies the problem. There's so much I want to say; there's so much I have to offer to the medical profession. It's hard to not overwhelm the admissions committee, and yet not underplay me as a candidate. I find it so much more difficult to write this ps compared to the one I wrote for grad school. Perhaps it's because this is what I've always been dreaming of as a child. This is my end, so to speak. I will always continue bettering myself, but I need medical school to achieve all that I want to do in life. The CDC, my dream of one day being part of those multi-disciplinary teams that investigate outbreaks in other countries, but most of all, the dream of being able to bridge the gap of social and health inequality. Doctors without Borders is a great cause, and I would love to one day be a part of it or something like it. But throughout these past couple of years, I've come to realize that I do not need to travel thousands of miles to make a difference. I can simply drive across the bay to International Blvd and Fruitvale Avenue, and there are people who I can help. These very people, represented by my students in my high school EMT class, are the ones who inspire me to not give up when life gets tough because they have it so much harder than I do. The obstacles they withstand make me want to be the best that I can be so that I can help them. Inner city people do not scare me. If you give them a chance, you'll see the bravery they have and how truly exceptional they are.

And so perhaps the reason I can't sleep at night is because I'm afraid of failing the very people who have inspired me to come so far.

Guilt-trip

When I left the bay area, I knew that it was the right thing to do. But there was always one thing that nagged me, and that was picking up and leaving all of my friends and family behind. Throughout the 8+ months that I have been in Houston, you all have always come through for me when I needed you most. Friendship has no distance, and love never fails. So I will admit to you that I no longer feel guilty for coming out to Houston, except for one thing, and that's leaving my mom behind.

Most of you don't know this, but I've always had a very rough relationship with my mom. We've had many "bumps in the road" throughout my 25 years of life, and I have to say that we continue to have our trying days. But I also fiercely love my mom. As a child, I put her through so much hell via my rebellious nature that I feel the need to constantly protect her now from all the shit that she has to face. From my cousin taking advantage of her to my dad mistreating her, I feel the need to just wrap my arms around her and tell everyone, FUCK OFF.

But here I am in Houston, and she's in San Francisco. I am living it up without the constant overbearings of my father, and all the meanwhile, my mom is suffering at home alone, without any of her three children to defend her. I guess in so many ways, I feel that as her middle, independent daughter, I am the one who needs to stand up and fend for her since she won't do it herself. And perhaps it's also because my grandfather foresaw that one day, I would be the one that my parents will depend on that makes me feel so responsible for my mom.

Don't get me wrong. My dad's a great father. I love him to death too, but we just don't get along. He's my dad--simple as that. But that doesn't mean that I agree with everything he does or says. In fact, it's very rare when we agree on a topic, and that's where our problem lies. My dad is always right, and everything has to be done his way because it's the best way. I don't think so cause HOMEY DON'T PLAY THAT. I am my own person, and I will do what I think is right. Because of my rebellious nature, my parents know better than to impose their will on me, but don't think that my father hasn't tried. He still tries even though I'm thousands of miles away from home, but hell, I'm my own person, and I will do as I damn please.

My mom isn't like me. She grew up in a different generation and a different culture. She's the stereotypic subservient, and yet very capable, asian woman that is so often portrayed in Hollywood and such. If it wasn't because of my mom, we would never have come so far as a family. And yet, my dad, being the "man" of the house makes all the decisions, never helps around the house, and once again, is always right. My mom works full time in addition to taking care of the household. As kids, we always had to do things his way (except me because I would never follow his rules, and that's why I always got into trouble), but as we went through life and started having our own minds, my brother, sister, and I stopped listening to him as much. My mom, on the other hand, can never do this. She's too good of a wife and person to ever say no to my father, though she has built quite a backbone. But it's still not strong enough to withstand the horrors of my cousin and dad.

And so here I am in Houston, hearing all the shit that my mom has to endure by herself, and I sit and think about why she can't just come stay with me and escape her life like I did. Why did I leave her again? Why am I so selfish knowing that by my staying here, she has nobody, and yet, I have no desire to go home. How come my heart won't budge even though I feel it crumbling to pieces when I heard my mom cry on her birthday? Why do people have to be such assholes? Why can't they all just play fairly and be decent people? Why does my dad and his family think they are superior to my mom? Why does my cousin, who lives room and board free at my house, treat my mom like a servant? Why are the people dearest to us so selfish and fucked up?! Why can't I have the courage to go home and just deal?

I simply don't know anymore. I can't go home. That much is for certain. My relationship with my father is hanging on by a thread right now because he knows that I am alone with no one here. He also misses me as do I. But if I was to ever go home, all this bullshit about how he has to control every aspect of my mom's life and how my cousin can do whatever she wants--it's gotta go because I won't allow it. I simply won't. It won't be the first time I've had a showdown with my father, nor my cousin for that matter.

I feel guilty, and I can't reconcile my conscience for leaving someone behind. I hate being left behind, and yet I am hurting the dearest person in my life by leaving her behind to fend for herself. She calls life at home, "hell," and yet I can't help her. Rather, it seems like I won't help her. I am such a horrible daughter. I don't deserve my mom or her love, for that matter. I was a nightmare child growing up, and I don't seem to have changed much after 20 years. It makes me feel as if my desire to do good for the poor and uneducated is fraud when I can't even help my mom. Perhaps I'm just not as good of a person as I wanted to think I was. Hell, perhaps I'm just not a good person at all, period. Or perhaps I'm simply trying to compensate. I don't know. You tell me.

Moments

We do not remember our lives in days, but rather, in moments. Though I was only in the bay for 5 short days, many memorable moments are ingrained in my head, and I thought I could take this time and space to share them with you.

1. I pulled off the best surprise visit in history. I admit, my mom was a bit suspicious because of the Southwest charge on my credit cart bill, but I covered up pretty well. =) My parents were shocked beyond words (the looks on their faces were priceless) though the first phrase that came out of my mom's mouth was, "I'm never going to trust you again!" I wasn't prepared for my sister's reaction of joy and tears, but I have to say that I am genuinely touched by it, and I'm glad I went home for her graduation.

2. Seeing Well, Demond, and Phil all in one day was one of the best moments of my visit. With each of them, I share a special bond, and to be able to hang out with them individually was a blessing in itself. Wellington's realization that I was not his same Jenny-Poo who left the bay months ago (because independence builds character) was classic after I rolled my eyes at his claim that his middle initial stood for "wonderful." Having Demond introduce me as an honor to have sit in on his lecture was in and of itself flattering. And Phil--meeting his wonderful and hilarious parents was an amazing experience. All I will say is that nothing has changed after 8 months of not seeing them. They're still my guys, and I can't wait until D visits.

3. My sister's graduation - having Jackie call me over and over again asking me where I was because she didn't want me to miss her walk across the stage once again reinforces how much our relationship has changed throughout the years. Seeing her diploma handed to her was one of the proudest moments in my life because it was a milestone in her life, and I was there to witness it. It also didn't hurt that she was so happy to have her friends and family celebrate her day with her. Kudos to everyone for making this day special. I love you, Jackie, and I think we're in a good place now. Considering the fact that we fought every day growing up for everything from mom and dad's attention to our "side" of the bed, we've come a long way. I know that my opinion matters to you, and just know that regardless of what happens, you'll always have my confidence and support. I'm SO glad you'll be in the bay for the summer so that I can hear your voice every day instead of keeping in touch via email and myspace.

4. After a long and trying day, going for a run and coming across one of the most beautiful and peaceful sunsets I've ever seen made my night. Land's End is most definitely the place to be (aside from Mt. Tamalpais) during the sunset...nothing beats the gorgeous sun setting to the west, looking directly at Mt. Tam to the north, the GG bridge to my east, and then just looking down at the boats and ships sailing across the Pacific. It's enough to mend any crappy day. And then the stars after my run--I don't remember the last time when I saw so many stars in the sky. The stars and moon have always comforted me, even when I was a kid, because they reminded me of how regardless of where I am, we're all gazing upon the same sky, the same moon, and the same stars.

5. Hanging out with my girls after 6 months of not seeing each other...Clare and J9ners are just that cool. We can do nothing but sit and talk and still have a good time. That night, I was reminded of the time the 3 of us were in LA, going to Disneyland, and watching V. Mars...those were the days.

6. Going back to visit my old coworkers and seeing one of my best friends, Leslie, even though it was only for 5 minutes, was pretty cool. I had some great times on the 4th floor of the Gerbode building, and seeing Mareo, Kimi, Nata, and Eric right before my flight was a pretty sweet treat.

Now that I'm done with that, I just wanted to update all of you on my everyday life in Houston and also my Baking for the People project.

I've started apps already, and I will eventually (very soon) write my personal statement. I think I've known what I wanted to write all along, but I'm too afraid to actually sit down and write it because the sooner I'm done, the sooner my app will become official, and the sooner I will find out about my future. It's been such a trying year that I'm not prepared to face the possible outcomes. I guess I'm scared, and with you guys not being here, I'm even more afraid, but independence builds character, right? Who knows, there's always a chance that I'll get in, right? For now, I just have to keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason, and in end, everything's gonna be alright.

Work is the same--it's work. I'm still having fun, and I feel that I'm getting more comfortable with my job and position as an ICP. I'm slowly learning how to stand up for myself, but I am no longer as terrorized with having to speak to big groups of people. I also really enjoy making my rounds with Felix, Amy, and Deniece. They're a really cool bunch.

Baking for the People is great. Thanks to all who have ordered and donated to my cause - J9ners, Analisa, Daphne, and Aunt Maggie. Tanya, I promise to email you back. I have cookies for you...=) I have money in the pot right now, and I really just need to get my act together to raise more money and hook up with a women's or homeless shelter. When I get to it, I will let you guys know. Besides that though, I baked up a storm the few weeks before I went home, especially when Clare was here. It was like constant baking for 5 nights in a row. Crazy insane, dudes.

Going home last week supports how much I already know that I have one of the best and strongest support systems ever, both in my friends and family. I really miss you guys, but I think I do need to be here too because I need to find my own way. I am too free-spirited to stay in my comfort zone. I will always be out there, wandering and looking for happiness.

Until next time, I wish you all the best. Take care, and I'll see all of you guys the next time I'm in town!!!

J

Happy Saturday! I've had my first order on Thursday (thanks, Analisa!) and am on my way to getting Baking for the People off the ground. =) Yay!

I'm going to take the time to update you guys on my stay in Texas. I went to Chappell Hill (the home of the Bluebonnet Festival) today with Jen McCarty. Her husband's family owns some property there, and every year, the McCartys go camping there. They were kind enough to invite me along, and I went for the day. A lot of firsts for me--first off, you know how you see those "country" places on tv and the movies? Well, I was there today, and boy, was it pretty and peaceful! If I could, I would totally build a country home there. Another first was shooting a rifle--I've never fired a gun in my life, and when I hit the target twice, it was AWESOME! However, I don't think I will be getting a gun anytime soon. =) Lastly, I also played horseshoes, and let me tell you, I kinda sorta suck at it. heh. But it was fun nonetheless to be doing things I've never done before. I've gotta tell you, though I am still trying to figure out why I'm here in Houston, I'm making the best of time here. I love trying new things, and in Houston, I gotta tell you, I've had many firsts--riding a mechanical bull, going to crawfish boils, eating southern food, shooting a gun, playing horseshoes, etc. It's been an awesome experience when I've been able to play. haha. I hope that I never lose my sense of adventure.

Anyhow, back to Baking for the People. I am in the process of researching and looking for homeless and women's shelters and setting up times and dates so that I can bring baked goods to them. I will most definitely keep you guys updated when I hook up with them. And I'm also thinking about a bake-sale, so I'll let you know when that happens. That's all for now, I think.

I would like to thank all of you guys who responded to my post--I really appreciate it. You guys are awesome! And a special thank you to my parents for being my financial sponsors. =) I obvious would never have gotten through college and grad school without you guys supporting me, and now, you're continuing to bankroll my dreams. Thanks and much gratitude and appreciation.

Cheers,
Jen

Baking for the People

I'm not sure where I should I start, but I guess explaining where this concept came from would be good, heh?

As many of you know, I developed a love for baking when I got home from my internship in Hong Kong. Being a girl who destroyed boxed brownies in high school, I stayed away from the oven and kitchen pretty much my whole life. However, one day, during the fall semester of my second year in grad school, I decided to I wanted to bake. I made an applesauce spice cake, and the rest is history.

Throughout these past two years, I've baked a whole variety of cookies, breads, cakes, and pastries. I've also watched a ton of food network to help with my baking and cooking. =) As my sister, Jackie, likes to say, I'm obsessed. Anyhow, I mainly try to make the baked goods tasty and true to their name, but I have to admit that I do lack in presentation. With the help of many cookbooks, recipe websites, online technique videos, and the food network, it's slowly improving, but it's slow. However, I promise that the taste will compensate for the presentation. =)

Post-graduation from grad school and after the disappointment of the CDC fellowship, I am now in Houston. Without many friends, family, and coworkers to bake for, I've really not been in the kitchen much. As I've always said, baking is an out for me. It allows me to forget about my problems and just enjoy the process of making good food. And so in Houston, being alone, it's been hard for me to adjust and adapt, but recently, I've found that baking helps me here as it did in the past. Not only that, but this afternoon, as I was driving down the I-10 feeder, there was a woman asking for food, so I simply gave her some of the leftover cinnamon buns that I had baked last night. She was so happy and grateful. So, this is what I'm proposing--rather than not baking at all, I plan on starting up a charity.

I will provide my baking services for you guys--just name what you want, and I'll attempt to make it. =) If it can't be done, I'll let you know asap. All I am asking for is compensation for the ingredients (and shipping if necessary), and all of the money will then either be donated to charity or if I see someone in need like I did today, I will provide some sort of food or meal. This way, I can bake and help people at the same time, and you'll be helping out! Just email me if you guys want something, and please spread the word to your friends and family!

I want to thank all of you in advance for your support, friendship, and love. It's been a rough six months here in Houston, and without you guys, I wouldn't still be here. I don't think I would have ever made it here in fact, so thank you so much. Y'all mean more to me than you will ever know. I miss you, and I hope to see you guys soon. I really hope this works out because as St. Ignatius said, we're to be men and women for others.

AMDG, and Happy Easter!

Jen

ps. Here's a link for some photos of my baked goods...I'll post a list of everything that I've made within the next couple of days. Thanks!

http://new.photos.yahoo.com/album?c=jengylee&aid=576460762368874223&pid=&wtok=G1FnAsAxPkIIIXemyzxB1w--&ts=1175923008&.src=ph