Road Trip!!

On Friday evening, after a couple of very disappointing experiences at Bed, Bath and Beyond, Amy and I ventured on our road trip to Austin. It was pretty funny cause along the way, we stopped at a BBB and a Lowe's to try and get my Kitchenaid Artisan Mixer, but to no avail, I didn't end up getting one. Then, we also stopped for dinner at Chili's where I found out the queso they serve with their tortilla chips actually has BEEF in it. Yes, that's right, queso has MEAT in it...who knew, heh. I tasted a cow for the first time in 6 years, I think. But I spit everything out, absolutely no swallowing at all.

Upon arrival to Austin after 4 hours of driving, Amy so graciously dropped by 6th Street so that I could see Austin's party scene. I was a bit too tired to venture on out to the bars though (yes, I know, I'm lame) so we just checked into our hotel and went to bed.

On Saturday morning, Amy showed me around town, first starting off at the CO-OP, the official UT store. It was amazing there! I think think their store is bigger than Berkeley's by at least a 1/3 if not a 1/2. So much school pride, dudes. I don't think I've ever seen that much longhorn merchandise before. It really only makes sense that the UT mascot is a longhorn though. I will say that Cooper, the longhorn, is adorable! J9ners, you'll really love the store! Even cooler, two doors down is the CO-OP outlet store, dudes! Like seriously, they have an outlet!

After all that shopping, Amy and I had to plunker down for lunch since we worked up such an appetite! The Mellow Mushroom had some really great pizza, I gotta say. Their crust was crispy and cheesy...hmm...yummy! To burn off our calories after such a fulfilling lunch, we headed across the street to the UT campus, and I have to say that it is extremely similar to that of Berkeley. The city itself is really similar in terms of the streets around campus resembling Telegraph Ave. and the likes, but the campus itself is so similar to Berkeley's! When I stepped onto the campus, it was as if I was transported back to Berkeley--the landscape, the green, the buildings--just too cool, dudes. I do think, however, that the campus is a bit larger than Berkeley's (makes sense though, right, since everything is bigger and better in Texas?). Amy was a great tourguide because despite the fact that she attended Texas Tech (yes, that's right, Kent, I know a couple of Red Raiders here!) she was still able to point out a lot of things to me.

UT's campus has something similar to Sproul and the Camponile with the exception that they are located right next to each other. I believe the inscription on the Main Building says, "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." Very beautiful buildings...

From the main entrance to the university, Amy and I walked to the State Capitol of Texas so that I could take pictures and whatnot. Of course, with our luck, just as I was starting to take pictures of the building, it started thunderstorming. We ran into the Capitol, and dudes, it's awesome inside! If you thought the outside was pretty, you've gotta see the Rotunda. The Senate and House of Representatives rooms' were gorgeous, and the portraits of the govenors in the rotunda was amazing too. After the rain lightened up, we went to the visitor's center and raided the gift shop. If you want Texas memorabilia, you've gotta go to this store, dudes. Seriously. It's really after the visit to UT and the Capitol do you really feel the pride Texans have in their state.

Back at the campus now, Amy and I try very hard to find the Longhorn Aquatic Center so that I could take a picture for J9ners! =) We passed the School of Social Work, the rec center, and also the football stadium, but we could not find the swim center! We finally spot a map and find out that the swim center is right next to the School of Social Work. It was really funny, but we ended up going back the next day, and I took a sign of the sign. I wonder if Brendan Hansen was there. Hah.

From UT, we ventured back to our hotel to get ready for our night out as well as just chil-ax for a bit. That night, we went to the Cool River Cafe to watch one of our co-workers, Miguel, perform with his band, Vertigo. Let me tell you, the food and drinks there are amazing! I had the best grilled chicken panini ever--the aioli definitely made the sandwich! I really need to get a panini grill now. Heh. But yea, Miguel was a very gracious host, coming by to talk to us during every intermission. I think we both had a lot of fun, especially with the cameras and the drunk lady. So Amy, I guess we need to "shake it", eh? Fat chance.

I am going to stop boring you with the gory details of our Sunday, but I will say that Amy took me to the outlet mall in San Marcos. Dudes, seriously, if you are an avid shopper, you have got to go there sometime. They have EVERYTHING there, and there are actual sales that qualifies the stores to be outlets. So if you ever come visit me and want to go there, just let me know! I am down--

Thanks, Amy, for being such a great hostess, and for such a great road trip! We really did have a road trip and not just rushing to get to our destination. I think we definitely need to eat at Chili's next time we go on another road trip, and if we take the I-10 back, we need to stop off for some TORTILLA chips!!! Haha! I really had a lot of fun, the best time since I've been in Texas, I think. So yea, thanks for such a great time! I really appreciate it!

Lastly, I just want to say that I have gained a newfound respect for Mr. David Beckham. I've never quite bought into his popularity or the frenzy that seems to encompass him everywhere he goes. I will say that I do understand where it all comes from now. Good luck to you, Mr. Beckham, and I hope you enjoy your time in LA.

Filibusters

I'm going to make a quick disclaimer: I am usually not all that interested in politics, per se. I find it to be a very frustrating and aggravating topic, especially when you're talking to people who don't agree with you.

That being said, I have a fascination with filibusters. Don't know why nor do I care enough to figure out why, but the word itself is just cool. Filibusters don't happen often, obviously, and when one comes up, I always get really excited! I'm not exactly sure I like the reason why they are filibuster-ing this time, but at the same time, I just want it to happen because it's a filibuster! Seriously, dudes, how awesome are they?!

I remember learning about filibusters in Mr. Zatkin's government class (I still can't believe I passed that AP Exam--I was so NOT prepared. Of all the AP exams I've taken, I was least prepared for this one and Spanish, though with those after school oral prep sessions, I knew what to expect with Spanish. I completely winged government, I'm telling you. Consider this, I took the honors class instead of the AP one b/c I didn't want to do all the projects involved with a one year class, and I could still take the AP test with the 1 semester class. Only problem was that they assigned the class to me in the fall which made taking the exam even more difficult. You swear I could remember all those facts half a year later while taking Doc's and Mr. C's classes. Oh and who can forget Mr. Morlock's church history class? =) Anyhow, I think I was coerced into taking the exam, and miraculously, I passed. Wow. I totally digressed, dudes. My bad!). My next encounter with filibusters was with that episode on The West Wing. I don't remember what it's called, but that senator literally read a book out loud. I don't think he even stopped for a drink of water cause aren't they not allowed to go to the bathroom? How crazy insane is that?! Does anyone else not see how intriguing and humorous this is?!

Semi-Homemade with Jennifer Lee

I cheated. I'm going to admit it straight up. It's not that I've never used cake mixes before, but I never use boxed mixes for birthdays or gifts. I love brownie mixes, and I believe most of them turn out better than my own brownies (except for that time when I made something inedible in high school). My mom actually threw out the brownies because she claimed they were so nasty that she had no idea what they were, basically, just black gunk. heh. But for those of you who know me, you all know that I'm a totally from scratch kinda gal. Hell, I even make my own pie crusts and pizza dough! This weekend, I just made some green onion pancakes, from scratch, with flour and scallions. But for Lina's birthday, I actually made this cake from the box. I did add stuff so that the cake is fluffier and more moist, but it's still not from scratch. Don't even get me started on the frosting. I totally did the whole Sandra Lee homemade touch to frosting, but I know and you know that it's not my frosting. I gave into temptation today. With apps looming over my head, the about-damn time personal statement inspiration, and work being so crazy and constant, I'm just tired. I'm more than tired. I'm EXHAUSTED. You also have to take into account that this is my first year of work. I've been at this since last April, and I haven't really taken a vacation since. I miss school and the vacations that come with it. I miss not having a set schedule with class times varying at all hours of day. Hell, at this moment, even those late evening classes (Kustu's lab, anyone?) sound good if I didn't have to work 8-5. haha.

Last week was tough. I love my job. There you have it. I think infection control plays a huge role in a hospital functioning properly, and I'm not saying this simply because I am an ICP. Think about this--if the rates of nosocomial infections are as high as the community-acquiredrates, then we're pretty screwed, heh? You'd be safer at home. So yes, I enjoy what I do. But, there is caveat to all this--there are sometimes those very very frustrating days when everything happens at once, and you're constanting putting out fires. I'm so fortunate to have a very experienced and smart ICP who trains me, but it just so happened that she was on vacation last week. Let's just say that some issues came up, and I had no idea how to deal with them...thanks to my director and risk manager who guided me along the way. Much appreciate to all the other ICPs in my company for answering my phone calls and helping me. So yea, there are days when I feel that I have this job under control, but then things happen (and let me tell you, in a hospital, NOTHING is impossible) and I'm back to barely hanging on. I know that in time, I will be able to handle things calmly, but until then, I wonder how I can ever do this job by myself.

Anyhow, as tough as last week was, my friends once again pulled through and made me smile. First, I received an email from Tanya during the middle of the week. For those of you who don't know, Tanya and I were advisor-buddies in grad school. Ironic, isn't it how they paired up a Stanford and a UC Berkeley grad to share an advisor. Heh. Anyhow, we hit it off the first day of orienatation, and we've been fast friends since. Tanya listened to my whining and problems all throughout the two years of our program. We also studied together a lot, especially for 260A&B. Those study sessions were short but crazy. We memorized a shitload, didn't we? I really do need to go back and see how many infectious diseases we had to memorize for Drs. Swartzberg and Riley. heh. I gotta say though, the one year class is my most favorite of all time--not to sound nerdy or lame, but infectious diseases are really really cool! I'm not ashamed to admit it, but MICROBES REALLY DO FASCINATE ME.

But yea, Tanya emailed me during work last week (in the middle of a crisis), and she just totally put a smile on my face! It's amazing how words from a friend can make everything better, so thanks Tanya! I miss you so much! It was hard our second year when we barely had any classes together, but now, I don't even get to see you on campus...I really need to work on my keeping in touch skills!

Then, on Thursday night, I found out that Hiu's engaged to Kent! =) How totally awesome is that?! Seriously, so so cool! You have to understand, I witnessed the whole relationship take place, from the beginning! It's so awesome--two of my best friends are now engaged! Whoo! I miss hanging out with them--Hiu and I have done some pretty crazy stuff. You should see us during midterms and finals time. We're absolutely psycho; it's almost as if we were smoking crack or as if we were drunk...it's amazing that there is actually someone in this world who can put up with my crazy-ass antics during exams. Good times, I'm telling you. Good times. How many all-nighters have we pulled? My most memorable final was when we literally only had 24 hours after soil micro to study a whole semester's worth of biostat. I'm so glad we share a love for infectious diseases! Anyhow, CONGRATS, and my best to you guys! I will definitely be back next summer, and if I get into Davis, I want my room! March Madness would just be awesome, Kent! Can we please go to see a UK game one of these days? go 'cats! Hell, I'll even go to a Duke game in exchange. haha.

All righty, back to my ps...wish me luck! And I thank God that Jen is back!

What Love Is...

Happy 4th!

People never cease to amaze me. I guess that statement requires and explanation, and since this is a blog, I guess I should do just that, heh? So here goes: I'm usually pretty good at reading people. I never judge nor do I "hurl the cynic's ban" according to Sam Walter Foss, but rather, I try to "live by the side of the road, and be a friend to man." Nevertheless, first impressions are always made, and I always get a feeling about a person.

A couple of months ago, I semi-met someone whom deep down, I felt to be totally, completely worth it, as a friend. I say this because as I grow older, I find it harder to make friends. I don't mean acquaintances but rather, true friends. Most of my out of this world friends are from a lifetime ago, high school, college, and grad school. But in Houston, it's been a bit trying. Up until a couple of months ago, I felt very alone here. I attribute part of that to being homesick, but also to an adjustment period I had to go through before I could get comfortable. I guess in many ways, I've always taken a bit longer than most to adapt to my new surroundings. I've always been very independent, and I'm very adept in unknown situations, but in the end, I still need that adjustment period to feel completely comfortable with my surroundings. But I digress.

So I go back to my original topic--I met a person who made me feel like I was at home. Just seeing this person automatically made me more comfortable being in Houston even though I never had any interaction with this person. For the first time since I'd been here, I felt good about coming to Houston. And so I decided to pursue this friendship, but in the end, I gave up. Friendship should never be hard, right? Take my relationship with Phil, Angela, Cax, or J9ners. It's never difficult. We're so comfortable with each other, and we don't have to work towards making our friendship better. We just understand each other that way. Sure, in the beginning, we were unsure about each other, but with time, our friendship only got better.

I'm going to sidetrack really quickly--everybody deserves a Phil (or Avi) in his/her life. The friend where you can bare your soul to, and when life makes you sad, he'll be there to pick you up, even if you're thousands of miles away from home. It's funny how Phil and I became friends. Not many people know this story, but Phil and I still laugh about when he witnessed me snapping the sager splint on my hand while I was testing a c-spine student. Pain and bleeding ensued, but the damage was done. I embarrassed myself in front of Phil, my only witness. I don't remember if this was before or after I passed Phil for his airway exam (though I believe that it was after), but we've been fast friends since.

When Nick moved to Virginia, Phil and I were left behind to fend for ourselves. It was us against the not-so great-world. We spent hours talking in his truck about nothing and everything. So many tears were shed in that truck. Monday and Tuesday nights were our nights. People see us, and they don't understand why we're best friends. Phil is charismatic, charming, and funny. There's never a dull moment with him. I am the complete opposite--quiet (until you get to know me), sarcastic, and semi-serious (also until you get to know me). I guess we're not as different once you get to know me, but we're back to the first impressions now. The people who choose to be friends with me see a glimmer of hope when they first meet me; they see that I'm not ordinary nor do I follow status quo. I'm my own person, but until you get to know me, you won't ever know that. Phil saw that from my stupidity and clumsiness with the sager splint.

Which brings me back to why I started this entry in the first place. I met someone whom I saw a glimmer of hope in--someone who had a lot to offer but didn't do so upfront. Someone who I could see myself being fast friends with because he had a deeper side to him that most people didn't see or care to acknowledge. So I decided to pursue this friendship because I needed it. I needed some hope, some sign for why I moved to Houston in the first place, and this was it. But in end, I gave up on because I felt stupid. Why should I work so hard for a simple friendship? Friendship is just that--friendship--to be friends. My point is that friendship should never be hard, right? Because if it was, then that wouldn't classify the relationship as a friendship, but rather, as a problematic not so good ex-(friend)ship, right? Friends should never put you in an awkward place or make you feel bad about yourself, right?

Clare and I have talked about this, and we have come to the conclusion that friendship should not be hard. But we've also come to an agreement that life is hard and nothing comes easy. I think I just made two conflicting statements, but perhaps what I'm trying to say is that sometimes you need to fight the fights that you think are worth fighting for. And so perhaps this person deserves more than my mere indignation of a "fight," but I don't know how he feels about all this. For all I know, this is a one-sided feeling, which is why I need to work harder on this friendship, no?

Today, I think I've come closer to understanding why this person is the way he is and also why perhaps he's worth the fight. I think I was wrong to give up so easily the first time around. But this doesn't mean that I will try and reach out again because even though I better grasp why he seems to have an inherent sadness to him, there are other factors for which I do not think our friendship would turn out.

Ironic isn't it that though I feel like I finally have a better grasp of who this person is, I also feel that this will be the downfall of our maybe-one day friendship because it puts us in such different places in our lives. I lived through his place in life a couple of years ago but moved on because I could no longer take the pain. I am now numb to the part of life with which he struggles with. Don't get me wrong; there are still days when I will curl up in a corner and cry my heart out, but those days number in few. I have no problems with listening and helping him, if that's what he wants, but through my experience, I've come to find that people who are at different stages in life do not always think that the other person understands him--like children always saying that their parents don't understand them, and vice versa. Perchance, that's why I'm so weary of starting up this pursuit again.

Relationships exhaust me so. I am now ready for bed, I think. I feel my eyes beginning to close, and so maybe I will find an answer tomorrow. Or perhaps I won't. Nobody can help me with this question, I think, but me, myself, and Jennifer. I have no issues pursuing it, but I feel internal resistance. I can't do anything if I think it will cause damage to myself because in the end, I don't know how it's going to turn out. I don't want to be hurt anymore. With you guys, J9ners, Clare, Cax, Phil, and the many likes of you out there, I would give up my life for you guys. But you're different. We're already at that impasse of friendship where we're really not just friends anymore--we're more than that. You're worth more to me than life itself. Without any one of you, the pain itself would be too great to bear. So what to do?

Perhaps Dave Harris and Scott Grimes say it best...

What Love Is

Sorry
I Thought I knew you
There’s gotta be a better way somehow
I know I see right through you
But you should be the one for me

I know I’ve been living without you
I know I’ve been wasting my time after time
I don’t ever wanna be doubted
Oh...I’m not the one to lie

Cuz that’s what love is
What we take on
What I dream about
What I’m made of
I can’t see clear
When she comes around again
I can’t live without
Or ever let it end
That’s what love is
Oh that’s what love is

I know you
I’ve been around here
I watch you everyday
Now I’ve noticed
You don’t come around no more
Oh…I don’t know what to say

I know you’ve been spending your time
Livin’ all these days without me in your life
I though you could always be counted on
Oh…I’m gonna see your shining face again

I see you waiting for the moment that I come to you,
and say it’s gonna be alright
And I see this moment for the rest of life to come

J